Red Dawn
by Nogard
Summary: When monks needed to hide the mystical Key, they transformed the powerful energy into flesh and blood, making her human. They built her memories, altered the memories of her new family, but forgot one key ingredient: her soul. Oneshot; onesided Dawn/Spike


I wasn't always like this. That's what they keep saying, what I used to say. But then, I _wasn't_ always, period.

Good Dawnie, Sweet Dawnie – never existed. Just memories created by monks, fake memories, shadows – that's all. I am less than a year old, and already a killer.

Back in the beginning, I held onto those shadows dearly. What can I say? There was nothing else I knew.

Sweet Dawnie, Caring Dawnie. Blood excited me even then. It shouldn't, I mean I thought it shouldn't, but it did all the same.

My sister was a good killer. Not perfect, though. Once, a vampire got through her defenses, stabbed her with her own stake. My cheeks lift upward at the memory, a true memory, one of self-discovery.

She was weak. For the first time in my short, short life I saw her for what she was: human, as mortal as the next. I saw her wince and clutch at the wound, bloody and painful. It was awesome.

I wanted to see it go on, to watch her pain continue forever. But of course, that was not what I was supposed to do. 'Gross,' I complained, but not really. I knew I wasn't supposed to be into it, but I also knew more than anything that it felt _right_ for me.

I watched her bandage it up, apply disinfectant, and take every effort to keep the pain at bay. Yet, it hurt _me_ to see it go! Despite my addiction to the shadows, I studied her carefully over the next few days, savoring every wince until it was healed.

The wound incident was just one odd event. Life continued as ever without any grand changes. Buffy continued to kill, and kept me from helping.

It took… blood. More blood to get me out of the spell. My own.

A lot of weirdness happened; people started acting funny around me. Caring Dawnie, gentle Dawnie. I needed answers, but no one would give me any. Lies, more lies, all they told. I decided to take things into my own shadowed hands.

I wasn't alone, though. He was there beside me.

Spike.

He came with me. He _helped_ me. He broke into the Magic Box for me, helped me discover the truth of what I really was. And when I was shattered and broken, he helped me get home safely.

Trapped. That's what it was like. I was trapped in my own mind. Nothing was real, least of all _me_.

I was blank, hidden, out of reach. I did not know I even existed. At that endless moment, I was but a shell, a puppet with no one pulling the strings.

My eyes were drawn to it almost magnetically. It was so simple, so innocent a movement. You see a cute boy; you can't help but look at him, right? Now, I'm not saying it was sexy, but… seeing that knife laying there on the table… its shining metal and sharp edge… I knew it was meant for me.

It was in my hands before I knew it. My hands felt empty even as I held it, felt its weight. I slipped the handle into my left hand, and raised my right arm so that my palm faced toward me. I could see the veins under my skin, bulging, almost obscene.

I knew that I did not want to die, even as I sliced into my flesh. This was never about dying. I cut to _live_.

There was pain. Sharp and powerful. It made me feel alive.

But it was the blood, beautiful crimson that slipped out in warm trails, that made me feel _real_.

See, blood is life. That's what vampires say, and they're dead right. Undead right? Huh. Anyway, blood is what makes everything worthwhile. Without blood… Well, I wouldn't want to live.

They didn't understand. Humans. The 'Scoobies.' They thought I was freaking out. And I was, but they couldn't see that it was the blood that would make it all better.

Alienation and… and disgust. That was how they reacted. They didn't see _me_. They saw they blood, but they couldn't see the beauty. They were appalled that their gentle, squeamish Dawnie would cut herself, not even bothering to consider the possibility that it could have been _them_ acting wrong.

Very wrong. They saw no beauty in that flowing crimson. And then came the lectures, the patronizing. They would make me 'better', as though I were sick. But I wasn't sick – I was just being who I was. Chicken soup would not give them back their squeamish Dawnie, their made-up Dawnie, the product of bored monks, and nothing ever would.

I couldn't stand it, not until I went to see him. He could always take my pain away, the bad kind I mean. Some types of badness, not even the good pain can kill. That's why you need someone you can love.

But he loved _her_.

I didn't mind. Not very much. I got him to talk to me by mentioning her, anyway. We started off talking about her, and then we moved on to more important things. Like blood.

I was an amateur back then. I knew a little bit about something powerful. He taught me the rest.

Blood isn't just some liquid thicker than water; blood is the very essence of life. I knew that instinctively, of course, but he confirmed it, made it easy to understand. Blood is used in the most powerful spells. It gives power over life… and death.

That, of course, was the other thing he taught me: the hunt. He told me stories, such wonderful stories, about his quests for blood and… just _fun_. He used to be a great killer, better even than Buffy. He killed _two_ Slayers, and he would have nabbed three if he didn't have that bloody chip in his head.

But she had to come and ruin it all. She made it all about _her_, like she _always_ does. She got all upset that Spike was in love with her – like I wouldn't kill a hundred people to make him fall in love with me! Spike even shackled her to the ceiling and offered to stake his ex for her – how hot is that? But no, she has to be St. Buffy, champion of the innocent. God, I could just… Grrrr!

…

Anyway… I had to play little miss nice girl for a while, had to be Made-Up Dawnie, Fictional Dawnie. Fictional Dawnie didn't like Spike after what he tried to do to her sister, not one bit…

Fictional Dawnie, Innocent Dawnie liked lesbians. Now, I'm not saying I ever swung that way, but Willow and Tara? She loved them. Heh, wonder what that says about monks' Freudian complexes?

Yeah, I spent some time at their place, played with their cat when the lovebirds weren't around. Now the cat is something else. It's like the best virtual pet ever, except it breaths, and eats, and runs around, and stuff. I know that sounds lame, but I never really had a pet of my own. Mom would always say, 'no way, two kids are work enough,' so no pet for Dawnie.

One time, I found a crossbow lying around.

Okay, technically, it was lying around in a locked chest, but Spike had taught me how to get past most locks. So, I found the crossbow, and it was really cool. I mean, this was used to kill people, vampires mostly. I set it up, and I… I wanted to use it the way it was meant to be used. 'Meow' said the cat, last thing it ever said.

When Willow and Tara came back, I turned on the waterworks. 'I'm so sorry,' I told them again and again, promising never to play with weaponry again and begging them not to tell Buffy.

'Don't worry, sweetie,' Tara comforted me. 'We know it was an accident.'

'Buffy doesn't have to know,' Willow agreed.

Fools.

I suppose I should be nicer. After all, I owe their silence so much. I never would have gotten away if they had told her early on.

Innocent Dawnie died that day with the cat, and Murderous Dawnie was reborn in her blood. Heh, heh, heh. 'Murderous Dawnie' – sounds kind of cool.

Things were different after that to be sure. At school, Janice looked different. Her face, her skin, her neck… I had daydreams about running a knife through them, watching the blood spill out as she screamed. I didn't think of her as a friend anymore; she was my toy.

I knew I never would have gotten away with it. That's probably the only reason I didn't try out any of my fantasies that day. I was only human after all. Fortunately, on a Hellmouth there's ways of getting past that.

'I have a proposition for you,' I said to him later that day, when school had finally let out. He made some crack about all the girls propositioning him, but I ignored it and stated my terms. 'I get that chip out of your head,' I told him, 'and you make me a vampire.'

That got his attention. 'And why would a sweet, young girl like yourself want a set of fangs?' he asked me, an eyebrow raised.

I told him. Whatever he was expecting me to say, juvenile bloodlust wasn't it. He couldn't believe it at first, but I explained to him just how alike we were. If he should love anyone here, I make the best match of all.

'For someone forged of Summers blood, you really aren't too sharp,' he scoffed. 'You think that if I vamp you, you'll just merrily run about killing folk? Your sister will stake both our asses.'

'That's why I'm getting rid of your chip,' I reminded him. 'You killed two Slayers, and you can kill one more.' And then maybe he could get over her, and then move on to someone prettier and more bloodthirsty.

'You can get rid of my chip?' he asked skeptically.

'I think so.' I explained how when Hiroshima and Nagasaki were blown up, the electromagnetic pulse from the A-bomb knocked out all electrical devices. 'So, we find some other source of EMP, something a little less dangerous… we could get you free.'

Spike nodded. 'Alright, nibblet, you find your EMP-thingy, you knock out my chip… and I'll make you a vampire.' As soon as I left, he went for Buffy right away.

Bastard.

I came home to find her waiting for me. Spike had told her _everything_. Fortunately, she didn't believe him when he said I was a sadist like him, but she _did_ believe him when he said I wanted to be a vampire.

I played it cool, made it out to be some silly schoolgirl crush. 'Spike's _so_ awesome,' I said in an idiotic voice. 'He wants me to roam the night forever as his dark mistress.' I scrunched my face up and asked innocently, 'Hey, Buffy, do you know what he meant when he told me that safewords were for wankers?'

Yeah, that took her focus off me for a bit. Served him right, too, trying to turn me in like that…

Well, it looked like I couldn't count on him to vamp me, so I dropped the Hiroshima thing. I moved onto the Magic Box. 'Hey, Giles, can I help out? I promise not to touch the dark magic, no siree.'

I waited carefully for the right time, when everybody was doing something and no one was watching Murderous Dawnie, Black Magic Dawnie. Black Magic Dawnie is pretty good for an amateur. After all, she knows the secret ingredient that makes the world go 'round.

See-in-the-dark vision, bat-like hearing, super speed, even my fingernails grew and sharpened. I became a most delicate monster, something just as good as a vampire – maybe better. 'Oh, Janice? Could you come here a moment?'

Black Magic Dawnie, Monster Dawnie cut her throat. It felt great! I held her mouth shut as she struggled, the blood bubbling out its spout. Oh, such sweet blood! 'Shh, Janice, Monster Dawnie's got you now.'

I _would_ have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that meddling vampire… Okay, that was lame. But if you think about it, I _was_ the enemy of the Scooby Gang, and I put on a monster costume… See? It works.

The cops didn't have a clue. Spike did, though. He knew just what had happened. He told Willow, who noticed that some of her supplies had gone missing. Yeah, I wonder sometimes why I even bother trying to get him to love me back. Oh, that's why.

Anyway, I knew Willow could stop me – she was very powerful. So, I went after her little girlfriend. 'Oh, Tara? Do you think you could help me with something? It'll only take a moment, I promise.'

I scared her a bit, cut up her face with my claws and licked up the blood. But I didn't kill her. No, I just took her to Spike's crypt. 'Hey, Spike, you hungry?'

Bastard didn't want a drink. No, he demanded that I release my prey at once. 'Hmm. No.' I closed my hands around her neck, said that I'd kill her if he didn't help me out.

So, he grabbed her and chained her to his bed. And as I leaned over her to gloat, he snapped a pair of handcuffs around my wrists.

'Sorry, nibblet,' he shrugged, holding me down while he released Tara. Then the bitch used magic to tie me down.

Bitch.

Spike bandaged her cuts, and then sent her to get Buffy. Yeah, sometimes I hate him. Buffy came, Willow and Giles with her. They stood around and tried to figure out what had happened to me. I happened to _myself_.

Well, Giles did his best to depower me – took away my bat ears and super sight. I begged Buffy to let me go, but she ignored me as usual. Willow sucked up my claw magic, put the effect on herself – now that was a weird image. Monster Dawnie was gone for the time being, but they didn't know about the super speed – I was still Sped-Up Dawnie.

They took me back to Giles' place, where they did some tests. Willow was the first to figure it out; I saw it in her eyes. But Giles was the one who voiced it: 'She doesn't have a soul.'

No duh! You think soulled people go around trying to kill people? Idiots. And they had to get _so_ upset! I mean, don't get me wrong, it was fun to see Buffy go into panic mode about me, but… how could she _not_ get what was so much a part of me? Was she _so_ busy trying to kill vampires that she couldn't get to know her own sister – not the fake one from shadows, but her _real_ flesh-and-blood sister?

That's probably why I decided to kill her.

Willow tried her hardest to enslave me. She did the same spell she used on Angel, but to no effect. You know why? Because I never had a soul for her to shove in me.

Giles soon figured it out. He didn't say it exactly, but I knew the look in his eyes. He wanted to kill me.

Xander actually said it. He suggested that they could get rid of their Glory problem just by making sure there was no Key for her to find. Both Buffy and Willow leaped to my defense, but Giles, Tara, Anya… they agreed with Xander. Hell, I agreed with him; it was in their best interests to kill me.

I half-begged Willow to let me go for just a moment so that I could use the bathroom. I guess she took pity on me… or just didn't want to look like a hypocrite for letting her evil vampire self free. Either way, Sped-Up Dawnie was able to escape.

It probably would have been smart for me to just have left Sunnydale then. However, I had ties. Spike was still here and despite everything, I still wanted him. Not to mention that there was some serious revenge in store for my dear sister.

I went to Willy's Bar to clear my head. The cool thing about a shady demon bar is that they don't check for ID. Hey, for all Willy knows, you're 10,000 and a half.

I tried to act cool, but I think he figured out that this was my first time in a bar. I ordered a Bloody Mary, extra blood. That attracted some attention from the vampire patrons, curious about a human girl sharing their drink. I actually got hit on by a few of them… all girls. Is there something about me that screams 'lesbian'???

…Anyway, I managed to get a few vampires interested in hunting down the Slayer. I wouldn't go so far as to call them my 'minions', but… that would have been pretty cool. No, we were more just a group of people with super powers who liked blood and wanted to take Buffy down.

As soon as the sun went down, we attacked. I knew just where she lived, and we made a beeline for the house. She was waiting for me… Heh, I think she wanted me to surrender, to submit to the fakeness of what monks dreamed up. 'Go to hell,' I sneered, and then we moved to send her there.

Well, the vamps were pretty much useless. Buffy staked them all, like, immediately. She just stood there, waiting for me to come forward.

'Dawn, I love you so much.'

'Dawn, we can help you get better.'

'Dawn, please…'

'Buffy…' I approached her calmly. I looked her steadily in the eye; she looked right back. We stared at each other for a moment, and I saw the weakness inside her. 'Shut up.'

Buffy was fast. She was a Slayer, after all. Sped-Up Dawnie, however, was just the tiniest bit faster. In the end, that's all that mattered.

My hand went to her belt, and I pulled out one of her stakes. She came at me, but I dodged. And then… staked!

She fell to her knees before me, looked up at me helplessly. I just grinned and watched her die. Then… something passed through me… something powerful. I fell to the ground and vomited, it was so bad. Sped-Up Dawnie felt horrible as she died.

But then… I was powerful, strong. Sped-Up Dawnie, the product of black magic bit the dust, and Dawn the Vampire Slayer was reborn in her place.

I looked down at my sister's fresh corpse, her eyes still staring helplessly. My lips twitched. Suddenly, I felt a spasm, a huge burst of unbridled laughter that threw me to my knees.

When I regained control, I dipped a finger down to Buffy's gaping wound, collected some of the blood, and licked it off. It tasted just like mine, and I mean _exactly_ like mine. How weird is that?

I stood, leaving Buffy's corpse behind. I had ascended. I was something more powerful than Monster Dawnie, Sped-Up Dawnie, even non-existent Vampire Dawnie, and I had the power to take on the world. 'People of the world, beware.'

My first order of business was to take out the jerks who wanted me dead. I thought about getting Xander first and watching Giles' horror, but ultimately decided against it. Giles was just too dangerous; I had to take him out as soon as possible. Willow was also a big threat, and I went after her immediately after I snapped Giles' neck against the banister.

Willow should be happy. I sent her out the same way I did her cat. Even the most powerful witch can't fight when she's got a crossbow bolt embedded in her neck.

Tara and Xander I had a bit more fun with. Tara was dangerous in her own way, so I knocked her out quickly. I then tied her and Xander to a couple of chairs I sat facing each other. I made sure Xander was awake to see me cut Tara to pieces, even letting him taste some of her blood. Oh, the horror… It was _so_, deliciously fun!

Then, when Tara was just bloodied meat, I went after Anya. I brought her back to play with Xander, only to find the creep had escaped while I was out. My knots never had earned me any merit badges, I suppose.

Well, I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Instead of tying up Anya, I just broke her arms and legs. I then left to hunt down my former crush, but got interrupted…

Spike.

Xander had gone to fetch Spike, but Spike was already on the way… He could hurt me now. After I told him my theory on how to fry the chip, he apparently locked himself in a room somewhere with a taser and a puppy, zapping himself and getting zapped by the chip until he could actually kill the puppy.

'Sounds painful,' I grinned.

'Not nothing compared to what I'll do to you,' he growled, his mind _still_ on the blond Slayer who had stolen his heart. 'I seem to recall you saying that safewords are for wankers?' He bared his fangs.

It seemed like nothing I did would make him appreciate me. Not like Buffy, the rotting corpse. But then, I remembered one of her stories. Buffy had once talked about Spike getting all torn up after getting dumped by Drusilla, and how he decided to deal… 'Hey, Spike… I love you.'

He tried to kill me. Predictable. I beat him up and shackled him to the ceiling in the basement of his crypt. I then began my efforts to get him to love me back: excruciating torture only the undead could survive. Turned out safewords _were_ just for wankers.

I never did find Xander. I'm not even sure if he's still alive. Anya died a while ago, my having forgotten to feed her – the real reason I never got to have a pet. Ah, well, I have my lovely chained up vampire to play with.

Spike's still stubborn. Despite everything, he insists on mourning his dead Slayer. But he will love me. I know he will.

I suppose I might have to deal with Angel at some point. Maybe Faith or the Watcher's Council. I'll deal with them when I have to.

And who am I?

I don't know anymore. I suppose I never knew. I know who I used to be, but now?

I suppose it doesn't matter. After all, normal people are defined by their past experiences. I don't have that. I only have what I know now.

I am in love. In love with blood, and in love with Spike. That's all that really matters.

_"A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night."_

_–__Legolas__, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers__ (movie)_


End file.
